Here at North Hollyhood, we don’t just make fun of the way things are, we hypothetically ridicule the way things might have been.

That said, Chris Nolan’s Inception is by far one of the best movies of the year. But this may or may not have been the case if the film was helmed by some other big-name Hollywood directors. Exactly how the movie would have differed, no one can know. But it’s fun to guess.

**MINOR SPOILER ALERT (STOP HERE IF FOR SOME INSANE REASON YOU HAVEN’T SEEN INCEPTION YET)**

QUENTIN TARANTINO (Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill)

Synopsis: Cobb, a vengeful dream-expert hellbent on murdering his way home to his kids, must deliver the shiny, unseen contents of a silver briefcase through several layers of a dreamworld, each with increasing amounts of ninjas.

Climax: The same zero-gravity fight from Chris Nolan’s version, only with far more samurai swords and bloody, floating skull fragments.

JUDD APATOW (The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up)

Synopsis: Cobb, played by Seth Rogen, assembles a team of experts, including Arthur (Paul Rudd), Ariadne (Leslie Mann), and Eames (Jonah Hill), to infiltrate the dreams of actor Steve Carrell.

Climax: A special guest cameo by Will Ferrell, Owen Wilson, Ken Jeong, and every working comedian in Hollywood.

JOHN WOO (Face/Off, Mission: Impossible II)

Synopsis: Cobb is a Hong Kong policeman-turned-assassin who enters the dreams of corrupt Hong Kong policemen in order to assassinate them.

Climax: All goes according to plan, until a routine Mexican stand-off in a snow-fortress leads to a slow-motion firefight in which doves are released, and Cobb must choose once and for all between assassinating policemen or policing assassins.

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN (The Sixth Sense, The Last Air Bender)

Synopsis: Cobb begins the movie as a man unsure of himself, unsure of reality, and unsure of the overly-vague premise of his own story. Also, in a noble show of colorblindness, the roles of Saito and Yusuf the chemist are given to white actors.

Climax: Minds are blown when Cobb realizes the heavily-foreshadowed truth: That he is living in a dream… The dream of M. Night Shyamalan, genius director, that is!!!

TIM BURTON (Sweeney Todd, Alice in Wonderland)

Synopsis: Cobb is an inexplicably pale dream expert who enters the dreamscapes of the audience (which look a lot like forests full of scary black trees) and plants within their mind the urge to buy the film’s merchandise at Hot Topic. Musical “cues” composed by Danny Elfman.

Climax: Three hours of Johnny Depp being eccentric.

WES ANDERSON (The Life Aquatic, The Royal Tenenbaums)

Synopsis: Cobb is an out-of-work dream researcher, who must now enter his dying father’s subconscious, alongside his very colorful, very dysfunctional family.

Climax: Cobb comes to some underwhelming revelation about settling for life the way it is, after many awkward conversations and unflattering close-ups. In the end, it is uncertain whether or not Cobb is still dreaming, or if we, the audience, have fallen asleep in the theater.

JOEL SCHUMACHER (Batman Forever, Batman & Robin)

Cobb’s suit includes rubber nipples.

[Lego Inception Picture via WIRED]